I miss him so much. Life isn't the same without him home.

Boy Kitty 1990-2009

I put Boy Kitty to sleep this morning at about 10:30am. I knew it was time this morning when he did not eat and his breathing was still so bad. My mom and I brought him to the vet. We get into the examination room and I put him on the table. Usually, he's antsy and doesn't really appreciate being there but this morning he laid on his side stretched out... almost like he was saying he was ready and it was ok. He growled when they put the catheter in and when the doctor listened to his heart and lungs prior to the injection. That made me smile. I asked the doctor if he thought that he had fluid in his lungs and he said that there was alot going on and I did the right thing by bringing him in. He said some other comforting words... They were all very nice. My uncle Eugene (he found Boy Kitty as a kitten) and my mom were in the room with me. The vet said he'd do it when I was ready. I leaned over him and cried, cried, cried... whispered that I loved him.. he's a good boy... and good night. Last night and this morning I had a talk with him and told him what was going to happen today. I thanked him for being a patient, loyal, and loving companion and I hoped he had a good life with me. I told him he was the best cat ever. I said some other stuff. I nodded to the vet that it was time and the change was so subtle and peaceful. I petted him for a little bit afterwards... the vet closed his eyes... we wrapped him up in the towel... We took him home to my parents house. My uncle bought a tool box and put him in it (I petted him one last time) and then sealed it. We put a note inside - that we loved him - and my uncle put him in the ground. My uncle bought one of those solar light landscaping stakes -- just one -- and put it on his gravesite. I am going to get a little stone with his name on it soon. I wanted to cremate him but it was way too expensive. The next best thing was my parents back yard where he liked to walk around and eat grass. I'm just so fucking depressed. Empty. But I know it was the best thing to do for him. It was his time.



Saturday sunset. I held Boy Kitty up to look at the golden sky with double rainbows.


Boy Kitty in better days... 'night, kitten...

Goodbye, Boy Kitty.

Well, last night I talked to Dave and my brother about Boy Kitty and about when I would know when to put him to sleep. Last night I had decided to give it a week and see how he is. Today, when I opened up his crate to give him fresh water and food, I could see that he was still laying in urine on puppy pads, that he's still leaking poo, his breathing labored, and he didn't eat much. I changed out his litter box and then sat next to him. I gave him fluids and started to cry. I nodded and said I would make the call. Briefly, I thought of asking my mother to call and make the appointment but then decided that I must be strong and just do it. I told him what I was going to do. I told him I loved him. I told him I was sorry for being a shitty mom sometimes but hoped that he knew I love him so much. I told him that he was the best kitty ever.

I picked up the phone, dialed, it went to voicemail. I called back and my voice broke as I told Shelly on the other end what I was calling for. 9am Saturday. 9am Saturday. This Saturday. 9. a. m.

I took his picture... the last picture I will have of him.

Boy Kitty isn't doing so well. He's pretty unstable on his feet and sleeps most of the day. Lately it is hard for him to get in and out of the litter box and he's peeing outside the litter box mostly. He wasn't eating much (a few months ago I was going thru a can or two a day for his ravenous appetite) but now eats bit more but still not a lot. His bloodwork showed his BUN at 99... some other numbers increased but the vet said it wasn't time... yet. He called him a stage 3 out of 4, 4 being time to put him to sleep. Tonight I was giving him fluids and he purred but his breathing sounded a bit labored.

I wonder if I am keeping him alive because he has life left or because it is for me. Because it's hard to make that decision. Because everyday I want to see an improvement or at least hope for one. Have I done all I could? Am I being a bad mom? I have a sinking feeling the time is soon and I won't have my boy around anymore.

Ugh... so Boy Kitty is still urinating outside of his litter box when unsupervised. I keep him in a large carrier, complete with bed and litter box and that seemed to help things alot. He also seemed to like being secluded and having quiet time. Lately though he has been meowing all night (I haven't slept the night through in a couple of weeks)until I get up and give him some fresh food. I began putting food down before I went to bed but that didn't help. I leave the light on and just make sure he knows I am still around. He began to pee in his bed and lay in it too.... but he still uses his litter box. This is so utterly frustrating, I am at my wits end. He's due for blookwork recheck anyway, so I need to make that appt soon.

Saw Abbiecat yesterday at my uncles... he said she is hanging out with her babies (now almost about 9-10mos old) and occassionally will lay on their bed when they are in it. Success! When she saw me, she just started at me but didn't come close. I didn't push it either.

Abbie. My sweet little cat moved to my uncle's house. He has her three kids and a colony of cats. I moved her there about two weeks ago. She went from the small cage to a cage condo. She was very scared and the last update I received is that she is moving around more but is still scared. Her gray cat continues to hiss at her and other cats seem to be curious about the new edition. I know I did the right thing by moving her to a place where she can be around others and with someone who can devote more time to her. It breaks my heart, but it was the best thing for her. I could not move her to my new place.


Boy Kitty seems to be doing well. We have a new addition which is keeping him on his toes. Bella, my shih tzu / chihuahua mix, loves him but he could do without her -- that is, until she licks his ears and plays around his neck. He seems to like that. He's still eating, drinking, and sleeping alot. His urine smells so potent but at least he is no longer spraying (He sprayed alot with Abbie around.)

He is entering his 19th year...


1/12/09 -- edit to add: He is spraying. I caught him spraying in the hallway. He's been laying in a meatloaf position alot lately. He doesn't appear to be interacting much but he may also just want to stay away from the puppy. I'm concerned.

Picture: Boy Kitty tonight sleeping in his bed. Seems to be the spot that he likes most except when he wants to hang out with me. He had a bath today, so he looks a bit scruffy, but smells much better. He actually growled at me when I was drying him off with a towel. Something he never does to me. Grumpy. Anyway, he seems to have adapted to the move pretty quickly and seems to be doing well.