Taming Abbie sidelined and so I returned her to the backyard.

I had a great accomplishment with AbbieCat and a huge setback with her all in the same night last night. I had her sitting on my lap (not freely) and was petting her while she kneaded my leg. Then she got away from me and I could not catch her. She actually went feral - hissing, spitting, growling, biting, climbing up the screened porch. I tried so hard and couldn't get her in the morning either. She was so sweet when confined and so feral when she was loose.

Here was the moment I had to flash forward into the future but also assess what was happening right now to decide what to do.

My vet recommended that the cats stay separate. My boy doesn't like her and was growling at her last night when she kept trying to bug him. He's declawed, he's old, he's sick. If I have to choose one, I have to choose my boy. When I move, I can't have them tearing each other apart in an apartment. I thought with time my boy would come to accept her as he has done with all of my new additions, but in a month, that didn't happen.

I also had to think about Mocha, my chihuahua. When I move, what if Abbiecat isn't so kind to her? I am not saying she would tear her apart, but Mocha is such a weenie.

I had Abbie confined for a month. I fed her, played with her, gave her a ton of treats, petted her, gave her shelter. I thought she was coming around, and she was, but it's amazing how quick the feral returns or more appropriately, resurfaces. Maybe if I didn't have my boy... maybe if I wasn't moving out... things could be different. Or maybe she is just meant to have fun outdoors. I can still provide shelter -- there's a small dog house outside that I put her cat scratch bed in. I can still feed her (when I am gone, my parents will feed her) and give her water. I can still play with her if she would come close (she hasn't all night and she runs away when she sees me). She's spayed, has had shots, and she's still a fighter so I am not too worried about her defending herself. But I can't protect her from cars or kids or wild animals.

I thought about setting a trap out again - trapping her, keep her confined, try it all again. But if it doesn't work and I've kept her confined for 3 more months only to have to rerelease her again, what good did that do for her? After a month I know she is fully healed from being spayed and her ear is finally healed as of this week. I do not worry about her ear getting infected (the ear scab kept reopening and a piece of ear was cut off due to her rubbing).

But I can't help feeling so sad, so deflated. I feel like I failed when at one point I planned my apartment hunting around this new addition. But several factors, including choosing my sick cat over her, made me decide to rerelease her. I am glad she is still hanging around my backyard though. I will miss her coming out of the cage and pushing her head into my hand to be petted...

A feral cat expert wrote to me and told me to return her to my backyard immediately if it's a relatively peaceful place. She said what I am doing would be called returning and not releasing as releasing is when someone would just release a feral anywhere. I am not doing that. I am returning her to her original domain -- my backyard. She said that it was important that I return her now so she doesn't lose anymore of her street smarts. I feel better knowing that the expert is on the same page with my alternative plan.