I miss him so much. Life isn't the same without him home.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Sunday, June 07, 2009
Boy Kitty 1990-2009
I put Boy Kitty to sleep this morning at about 10:30am. I knew it was time this morning when he did not eat and his breathing was still so bad. My mom and I brought him to the vet. We get into the examination room and I put him on the table. Usually, he's antsy and doesn't really appreciate being there but this morning he laid on his side stretched out... almost like he was saying he was ready and it was ok. He growled when they put the catheter in and when the doctor listened to his heart and lungs prior to the injection. That made me smile. I asked the doctor if he thought that he had fluid in his lungs and he said that there was alot going on and I did the right thing by bringing him in. He said some other comforting words... They were all very nice. My uncle Eugene (he found Boy Kitty as a kitten) and my mom were in the room with me. The vet said he'd do it when I was ready. I leaned over him and cried, cried, cried... whispered that I loved him.. he's a good boy... and good night. Last night and this morning I had a talk with him and told him what was going to happen today. I thanked him for being a patient, loyal, and loving companion and I hoped he had a good life with me. I told him he was the best cat ever. I said some other stuff. I nodded to the vet that it was time and the change was so subtle and peaceful. I petted him for a little bit afterwards... the vet closed his eyes... we wrapped him up in the towel... We took him home to my parents house. My uncle bought a tool box and put him in it (I petted him one last time) and then sealed it. We put a note inside - that we loved him - and my uncle put him in the ground. My uncle bought one of those solar light landscaping stakes -- just one -- and put it on his gravesite. I am going to get a little stone with his name on it soon. I wanted to cremate him but it was way too expensive. The next best thing was my parents back yard where he liked to walk around and eat grass. I'm just so fucking depressed. Empty. But I know it was the best thing to do for him. It was his time.
Saturday sunset. I held Boy Kitty up to look at the golden sky with double rainbows.
Boy Kitty in better days... 'night, kitten...
I put Boy Kitty to sleep this morning at about 10:30am. I knew it was time this morning when he did not eat and his breathing was still so bad. My mom and I brought him to the vet. We get into the examination room and I put him on the table. Usually, he's antsy and doesn't really appreciate being there but this morning he laid on his side stretched out... almost like he was saying he was ready and it was ok. He growled when they put the catheter in and when the doctor listened to his heart and lungs prior to the injection. That made me smile. I asked the doctor if he thought that he had fluid in his lungs and he said that there was alot going on and I did the right thing by bringing him in. He said some other comforting words... They were all very nice. My uncle Eugene (he found Boy Kitty as a kitten) and my mom were in the room with me. The vet said he'd do it when I was ready. I leaned over him and cried, cried, cried... whispered that I loved him.. he's a good boy... and good night. Last night and this morning I had a talk with him and told him what was going to happen today. I thanked him for being a patient, loyal, and loving companion and I hoped he had a good life with me. I told him he was the best cat ever. I said some other stuff. I nodded to the vet that it was time and the change was so subtle and peaceful. I petted him for a little bit afterwards... the vet closed his eyes... we wrapped him up in the towel... We took him home to my parents house. My uncle bought a tool box and put him in it (I petted him one last time) and then sealed it. We put a note inside - that we loved him - and my uncle put him in the ground. My uncle bought one of those solar light landscaping stakes -- just one -- and put it on his gravesite. I am going to get a little stone with his name on it soon. I wanted to cremate him but it was way too expensive. The next best thing was my parents back yard where he liked to walk around and eat grass. I'm just so fucking depressed. Empty. But I know it was the best thing to do for him. It was his time.
Saturday sunset. I held Boy Kitty up to look at the golden sky with double rainbows.
Boy Kitty in better days... 'night, kitten...
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Goodbye, Boy Kitty.
Well, last night I talked to Dave and my brother about Boy Kitty and about when I would know when to put him to sleep. Last night I had decided to give it a week and see how he is. Today, when I opened up his crate to give him fresh water and food, I could see that he was still laying in urine on puppy pads, that he's still leaking poo, his breathing labored, and he didn't eat much. I changed out his litter box and then sat next to him. I gave him fluids and started to cry. I nodded and said I would make the call. Briefly, I thought of asking my mother to call and make the appointment but then decided that I must be strong and just do it. I told him what I was going to do. I told him I loved him. I told him I was sorry for being a shitty mom sometimes but hoped that he knew I love him so much. I told him that he was the best kitty ever.
I picked up the phone, dialed, it went to voicemail. I called back and my voice broke as I told Shelly on the other end what I was calling for. 9am Saturday. 9am Saturday. This Saturday. 9. a. m.
I took his picture... the last picture I will have of him.
Well, last night I talked to Dave and my brother about Boy Kitty and about when I would know when to put him to sleep. Last night I had decided to give it a week and see how he is. Today, when I opened up his crate to give him fresh water and food, I could see that he was still laying in urine on puppy pads, that he's still leaking poo, his breathing labored, and he didn't eat much. I changed out his litter box and then sat next to him. I gave him fluids and started to cry. I nodded and said I would make the call. Briefly, I thought of asking my mother to call and make the appointment but then decided that I must be strong and just do it. I told him what I was going to do. I told him I loved him. I told him I was sorry for being a shitty mom sometimes but hoped that he knew I love him so much. I told him that he was the best kitty ever.
I picked up the phone, dialed, it went to voicemail. I called back and my voice broke as I told Shelly on the other end what I was calling for. 9am Saturday. 9am Saturday. This Saturday. 9. a. m.
I took his picture... the last picture I will have of him.
Monday, June 01, 2009
Boy Kitty isn't doing so well. He's pretty unstable on his feet and sleeps most of the day. Lately it is hard for him to get in and out of the litter box and he's peeing outside the litter box mostly. He wasn't eating much (a few months ago I was going thru a can or two a day for his ravenous appetite) but now eats bit more but still not a lot. His bloodwork showed his BUN at 99... some other numbers increased but the vet said it wasn't time... yet. He called him a stage 3 out of 4, 4 being time to put him to sleep. Tonight I was giving him fluids and he purred but his breathing sounded a bit labored.
I wonder if I am keeping him alive because he has life left or because it is for me. Because it's hard to make that decision. Because everyday I want to see an improvement or at least hope for one. Have I done all I could? Am I being a bad mom? I have a sinking feeling the time is soon and I won't have my boy around anymore.
I wonder if I am keeping him alive because he has life left or because it is for me. Because it's hard to make that decision. Because everyday I want to see an improvement or at least hope for one. Have I done all I could? Am I being a bad mom? I have a sinking feeling the time is soon and I won't have my boy around anymore.
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